I'm Free

Rebecca "Becky" Donald Tipton Parker

Rebecca Donald Tipton Parker, 58, of Columbus, Miss., died Wednesday, November 20, at Hospice Ministries of Ridgeland and will be remembered during a memorial at Goodman United Methodist Church at 11 a.m. on Saturday, November 23 with Reverend Mark Donald and Reverend Sylvia Blackwell officiating.

Visitation will be Friday at Southern Funeral Home in Lexington, Miss. from 6 to 8 p.m., and from 10 a.m. until the time of service at the church on Saturday.

She was born Rebecca “Becky” Helm Donald on December 8, 1954 to Charles Unger Donald and Virginia Helm Donald of Goodman, Miss. Becky graduated valedictorian of Central Holmes Academy in 1972. She graduated with honors from Mississippi State University and received an outstanding accounting award as a senior.

She then married and lived briefly in Corinth, Miss. and Chicago, Ill. before settling in Columbus, Miss. where she worked as a CPA. Becky served as a member of Columbus First United Methodist Church for nearly 20 years, participating in Circle 6, the Chancel choir, and the Handbell Choir.

In 2007, Becky was preliminarily diagnosed with Multiple System Atrophy, an extremely rare brain disorder similar to Parkinson’s disease, which ultimately claimed her life. Following her diagnosis, she spent time in the care of two nursing facilities, The Arrington in Columbus and Lexington Manor in Lexington

Becky was most proud of her two children, Eric Cramer Tipton and Lauren Virginia Tipton Wrather. Friends, family, and caregivers were touched by her kind spirit, warm sense of humor, and loving heart.

Preceded in death by younger brother, Tim Donald, and nephew, Nick Henley, Becky is survived by her parents Charles and Virginia Donald, her son Eric and wife Bethany, her daughter Lauren and husband Kyle, her older brother David Donald and wife Nora, younger brother Danny Donald and wife Joy, and her sister Kelly Patterson and husband Mike.

Honorary pallbearers include Lynn Arnold, Roseanne Weeks, and her prayer pals, Patti Johnson, Diane Lawrence, Judy Waller, Ronda Andrus, Jane Crigler, and Donna Gainer.

In lieu of flowers, donations can be made to MSA Coalition or Goodman United Methodist Church.

Southern Funeral Home (Friday Visitation)
100 Pine St
Lexington, MS 39095

Goodman United Methodist Church (Memorial Service)
9750 Main St
Goodman, MS 39079

MSA Coalition (Donations)
8311 Brier Creek Parkway Suite 105-434
Raleigh, NC 27617
http://www.firstgiving.com/fundraiser/RebeccaDonaldTiptonParker/laurenwrathersfundraisingpage 

Goodman United Methodist Church (Donations)
P.O. Box 246
Goodman, MS 39079

Becky Passed Peacefully Early This Morning

Becky passed peacefully this morning at 7:05am surrounded by family. Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers, they were felt. 

I will post details this afternoon on the memorial service and visitation. 

Thank you all again for your support, thoughts and prayers. 

11-20-13

5:45 am:  David at HM with Eric, Bethany, Lauren& Kyle. 

David has called Daddy, Mama, Danny & me to come be by Becky's side.

Update Nov 19

Becky has been sleeping for most of the day. She does seem to have more labored breathing but doesn't seem to be uncomfortable. The nurse also noticed that her pulse is very high. She hasn't been very communicative today but will squeeze our hand if we ask questions. 

Becky had lots of visitors today and Eric and Lauren have been by her side all afternoon and both plan to stay the night.  

Update Nov 19

Becky has been sleeping for most of the day. She does seem to have more labored breathing but doesn't seem to be uncomfortable. The nurse also noticed that her pulse is very high. She hasn't been very communicative today but will squeeze our hand if we ask questions. 

Becky had lots of visitors today and Eric and Lauren have been by her side all afternoon and both plan to stay the night.  

From Kelly 11-19-13

Today was hard.

From David 11-19-13

Rhett Presley came by to see Becky late yesterday afternoon while Eric was here.  Ann was probably with him, but Eric did not say for sure.  He/they brought some flowers (red, yellow, pink and coral roses).  

You may already know all of this, but I wanted to mention it in case the card on the flowers got lost.

Kelly just got here and said Lyn Donald came by, too.  

Becky rested well last night & is awake now.  Kelly is talking...big surprise.

What can I do to help?

Many people have been asking Lauren and Eric (and Granny/Charlie), "Is there anything you need?" It can be difficult to formulate an answer to this question, because many times, we're not sure what we need. We would greatly appreciate help during this time but it is hard to ask or even think about things other then Becky. I decided to see what other people suggested as a way to help those wanting to help.

From reading about others who have gone through similar situations I think the best way people can help is to come up with concrete suggestion: "Could I go grocery shopping for you?" is really helpful.  That way, we would have less thinking to do.

Here are some ideas I found that others found helpful:

• Send Pictures or put together a memory book
• Shop for groceries or run errands
• Drop off a casserole or other type of food (one that can be frozen, or warmed up later in case they are not hungry at that time)
• Take care of housework, such as cleaning or laundry
• Drive him or her wherever he or she needs to go
• Look after his or her pets
• Accompany them on a walk
• Take them to lunch or a movie
• Share an enjoyable activity (game, puzzle, art project)

I am in no way asking anyone to do this for us but if you have been wanting to help and are struggling to find a way, or if you have been asked the same question and are struggling to think of things people can do for you, please use this list. 

Thank you to everyone who requested to follow along with these updates and for your comments - it truly shows how much people are thinking about Becky and shows your support to her family!

From Mama (Virginia) as told to Kelly 11-18-13

Mama said Sat or Sun when she & Daddy got to HM, Becky had spelled on her alphabet board for David & Nora:

I ONCE WAS LOST BUT NOW AM FOUND

God bless us all

From Kelly 11-18-13 9:30

Becky is sleeping after her bath this morning.  She is still beautiful.

David was here when I arrived at 8:30.  He said Becky slept with the help of a cocktail of Dilaudid, Benadryl & Xanax.  He said around 6:00 am, Becky spelled out "Ants" so he told the staff.  They gave her another cocktail then.

Margie Hooker came by to visit for just a few minutes.  She has been so good to Becky.

From Kelly 11-17-13

Today would have been Tim's 54th birthday.  I woke up thinking about him today.

I visited with Becky this afternoon; she napped nearly the whole time.  Played John Denver's greatest hits while she slept.  Becky hummed along to the first song.

From Kelly 11-16-13

My friend & massage therapist, Barbara gave Becky a wonderful, gentle massage today.  Becky was so relaxed & enjoyed every second of it.  It was a very moving experience.

Becky enjoying massage 11-16-13

From Kelly 11-15-13

Got to HM today around noon.  When I arrived, Daddy & Mama and Roy & Donna Tipton were there.  That was so sweet of them to come. 

Becky's legs were bothering her when I walked in so Daddy asked me if Barbara, the massage therapist, was coming.  Becky started holding her "Yes" finger up!  She loves to be pampered!  So Barbara is coming tomorrow at 3:30.  I'm going to be there around 3:00 & stay while Becky gets her massage.  

Becky was very alert the whole time I was there.  She kept trying to tell me stuff, verbally & non-verbally.  I am still not sure what she was trying to get across!  Her nose was so stopped up; I gave her nose spray, & the nurse gave her Benadryl.  She was getting a breathing treatment when I left around 2:30.  

I sang some songs to Becky, and she joined in on "Row, row, row your boat".  She said, "Gently down the stream" clearly.

It was a good visit.

Love to all

Hospice Pamphlets

Hospice Ministries has some pamphlets that Eric, Lauren and I all found really helpful. They talk about what to expect which has helped us to understand some of Becky's moods and behaviors. I wanted to share these with everyone but it was hard to get a copy/scan/photo of the pamphlet up on this blog.

I found this pamphlet online posted by another Hospice facility that contains a lot of the same information. It's a little long, but I think it is worth the read for those of us visiting Becky to help understand how to respond to some of her confusion and let us know what to expect so it's not as scary for us and we can help it be less scary for Becky. 

Final Days/When Death Is Near

Brief Moment of Clarity / Lucidity

11-15-2013 3:30am

This was so amazing that I had to document it asap so I don't forget any details:

Mom was moving around a lot in her sleep and even sitting up somewhat violently a couple times. Normally I don't interject when this happens because she's usually acting out her dreams and even if I try to wake her it's almost impossible because she's in such a deep sleep. This time, she was moving around extremely quickly and making pained facial expressions, so I tried to calm her down by massaging her head a little bit. After a second or two, she opened her eyes widely and said to me, clear as a bell: "Did the phone just ring?" I was pretty thrown by how clearly I could understand her but I decided to take advantage of the situation...

First, I explained to her that she had been dreaming and that the phone hadn't rung. Then, I asked her if she was in pain and she said (verbally) no. I asked if she loved me and she said "I love you. Do you love me?" I said "Of course," and then she asked (verbally) where Lauren was. I said that she was at her apartment, sleeping, and that she would be here in the morning. I decided to call Lauren so that she could talk to Mom in this brief window. When I gave the phone to Mom, the first thing she asked was "Did I wake you up?" Typical Mom... always thinking of others before herself. Then she and Lauren talked for a second, with the clearest things she said being, "I love you, Lauren" and "I'm proud of you." After they hung up, I said, "It means a lot to me to know that you love us and that you're proud of us" and she replied: "I'll always love you." Then, the last thing I could hear her say clearly was "I wish Lauren was here" -- I told her that I could call Lauren back and ask her to come then, or otherwise she'd see her in the morning, and she indicated (non-verbally) that she was ok with waiting until the morning.

Tomorrow I think the plan is for Uncle David to get here around 7:30am at which point I'll go back to Lauren's apartment. I'm not sure who's relieving Uncle David after his visit, but as for me, I'm planning on getting some rest and coming back no earlier than 3pm tomorrow.

From Kelly 11-14-13

I spent the morning with Becky & Mama (she arrived at 9:30.)  Lauren said Becky had Xanax around 6:00 am, & Becky was relaxed.  

One of the ministers, BB, came by this morning & talked to Becky & me.  He sang "The Old Rugged Cross", & Becky hummed along with him.  She cried a little, but it wasn't too bad.  I think Becky really misses singing.  BB said a prayer with us before he left.

Tameka, one of the staff, gave Becky a sponge bath, including shaving her legs, washing her hair & painting her toenails.  Becky went to sleep right after her bath.  

Her legs are still moving involuntarily, & so are her arms.  It wasn't the violent thrashing like yesterday; however, Mama & I wonder why this seems to be happening now.  It didn't wake Becky up.

David & Nora are coming at 3:00 so that Mama can get home before dark.  Eric & Bethany are celebrating their 3rd anniversary today, and Danny has his 58th birthday (not sure if he is doing much celebrating!)

Love to all,

Kelly

From Kelly 11-14-13 8:00 am

From Kelly 11-13-13 Addendum

Lauren & Eric said Becky is resting peacefully.  

I looked up the side effects of Dilaudid, and itching was first.  I think Becky had a bad reaction to it.  Since she can't tolerate codeine, Morphine is also a problem.  Becky has taken & tolerated Xanax well.  

I am sorry if I upset anyone with my previous post.  I do believe Becky was having a bad reaction to the dilaudid.  She told both Mama & Lauren that ants were on her.  

From Kelly 11-13-13

I was at HM today from noon till 2:30.  It was a rough time; Becky was so agitated & restless.  Her legs would stiffen, then cramp; she just could not get comfortable.  Plus her back was itching.  I massaged her legs, rolled her on her side & scratched her back, rubbed lotion on her feet.

The nurse gave her meds to relax around 12:30, but it didn't help.  She gave Becky her Sinamet around 1:30, hoping that would ease her legs, but, again, no relief.  Around 2:00, Becky was so agitated, pointing & grabbing her side while her legs pulled up to her stomach; I was feeling a little frantic.  Finally, the nurse gave her Xanax & Benadryl, and I think she relaxed a little.  Eric came in around 2:30; Becky was aware of his being there.  Her legs were still bothering her.  I hope she is resting better.

One comic moment:  I was turning Becky from one side to her other.  I was straddling Becky's mid-section, sideways on the bed, trying to pull the bar up.  I told her, "I sure hope nobody walks in right now!"  We both chuckled at that!  

From Kelly 11-12-13

Gracie & I got to HM (Hospice Ministries) around 4:00.  Becky was about the same, maybe a little less alert.  She was sort of restless; had a hard time getting comfortable.  I think Becky was glad to see Gracie.

Ethebet called today & left a message about Becky's itching.  She was still experiencing some itching this evening.  Gracie & I rolled her onto her side, and Gracie scratched her back.  The CNA rubbed lotion on Becky's legs & feet.  We don't know if the morphine was causing the itching, but to be safe, HM has switched to Dilaudid.

Melissa came by around 5:15.  It sure was good to see her!  She & I "played charades" with Becky until we figured out what Becky wanted.  Sometimes that's the most frustrating aspect of Becky's illness.  Becky's head was hurting so she received Dilaudid.

Monica, Mike & Lundy arrived at 6:15.  When Becky saw Lundy, she reached her hand out for her.  Lundy gave her a big hug & kiss.  Melissa & I left a few minutes after that.

David is coming tomorrow at 8:00, followed by Lauren at 10:00, then me around 11:30.  Eric is coming at 2:30.  Lauren is going to see if Danny & Joy can come after 5:00.  Then Lauren is spending the night.

Love to all

Secret handshake

After sleeping for several hours straight, Mom woke up to visit with me, Lauren, and Granny for a bit. She looks very happy and peaceful and is remarkably alert. She even did our "secret handshake" with me and Lauren :-)

She remembers everyone who has visited. Sometimes I think she is able to hear and know that people are here even if she appears to be sleeping.

She seems to be developing a rash and is itching a lot. We are about to meet her doctor, Dr. Raju, and we will ask her about it. The only new medicine she has been given is morphine but supposedly she has had morphine before without issue, so who knows...

Overall I think that Hospice Ministries has been a great choice and they are doing everything they can to peacefully guide Mom (and us) through this difficult time.

From Kelly 11/10/13

Mike & I went early yesterday morning (around 7:00) to visit Becky.  Poor Lauren was so tired; she had spent the night & not slept well.

Mike was very anxious about going, but once we got there, he felt so much better.  The Hospice personnel are so kind & attentive.  Becky was awake nearly the whole 3 hours we were there, and she was quite responsive.  The atmosphere at Hospice Ministries is peaceful & quiet.

Kyle brought his parents, Dan & Jeannie by to visit again before they left to go home.  Dan was so sweet to Becky; kissing her cheek & hugging her.

David & Nora came in around 10:00.  Becky was glad to see them.

Nov 10th Recap

Lots of visitors today - Lauren, Kyle, Eric, Bethany, Kelly, Joy, Danny, Nora and David. Beverly Brown from Lexington Manor also came down to visit and brought a few extra medications they had at Lexington Manor (Eye Drops, maybe something else too, she gave them directly to the nurse).

Becky slept for most of the day which means to me that she was comfortable. I did notice that her feet, which are normally clenched like fist, were almost relaxed looking for at least part of the day. I think that the small dose of morphine they give her is really helping her body relax a bit. Becky did refuse her breathing treatments a few times but the nurses said if she didn't want it she doesn't have to have it. She seems to be breathing much easier since arriving at HM.

Everyone continues to be very caring and very patient and we have all been very happy with Becky's care. Eric is spending the night with Becky tonight and we plan to meet with the Dr in the morning around 9am, although I'm not sure if this is a set appointment or just when the dr will be in on Monday.

I will update everyone after we talk to the Hospice Dr.

7am Nov 10 - From Lauren

Kelly is on her way. Mom slept all night until about 6 and then said she was hurting and wanted some pain meds. Now she nods her head that she's comfortable. I'll be on my way home once Kelly gets here. 

Uncle David is coming from about 10 until lunch (1ish)

6:26pm Nov 9th

Eric spent last night with Becky and said she slept really well. The staff is doing everything they can to make her feel comfortable and have all been very caring.

Today Becky had lots of visitors including Granny, Charlie, Eric, Lauren, Kyle, Kyle's parents, Danny, Joy, David, Nora and Kelly. She seemed to doing well for most of the day and said a few times that she was comfortable. 

She has been asking me and Eric for food this evening which has been hard. We are going to try to give her a bit of a milkshake and see if that helps. 

New Lip Balm

The nurse asked us not to use Vaseline as something about the oils in it interferes with the oxygen. They will bring us something specific to use that is made for patients who are on oxygen. 

It is labeled Lip Balm and is in a white pill bottle looking container. 

Hospice Ministries Information

Hospice Ministries - Room 403

Eric, Lauren, Kyle and I are with Becky at Hospice Ministries room 403.  Becky is in good spirits and even has a new message board that we think will be very helpful. 

All Packed Up

We are all packed up at the nursing and Kyle and I are headed to HM. 

Becky is on the way to HM

The ambulance picked up Becky right on time and she is on the way to Hospice Ministries. Eric is following in the car and has some of Becky's things with him. 

Kelly and Lauren went ahead to Hospice Ministries and will be there when Becky arrives.

Kyle and I are packing up and David, Danny and Nora will join us to help to move everything and finish packing. 

Hospice Evaluation Update

Becky has been approved to be admitted to hospice. They are arranging for her to be transported to Hospice Ministries tomorrow afternoon at 1pm. Here is their address.

Hospice Ministries (visitor entrance in back near chapel)
450 Towne Center Boulevard
Ridgeland, MS 39157
1-800-273-7724 | 601-898-1053

Before Becky goes to hospice tomorrow Kelly will bring her to Granny/Charlie's around 9-930 am for an early lunch around 11am then back to the nursing home for them to pick her up.

Update from Eric - Hospice Ministries Evaluation

Eric called me and let me know that a member of the Hospice Ministries team is at Lexington Manor now with Eric and Lauren evaluating Becky. She is reviewing her charts as well as doing some research on MSA since they haven't had anyone with the disease before. If they find she is eligible for In-Patient Hospice they can have her moved as early as tomorrow. I will update again when the evaluation is complete, Eric wasn't sure if she would be able to say if Becky is eligible before she leaves or if she will call us later. He did mention how nice, caring and compassionate she has been.

Hospice Evaluation

Hospice is on their way to evaluate Becky this morning for hospice eligibility. Eric and Lauren went to try to meet them there and will post more information as we have it.

Update From Donna at Hospice Minitries

Referral has come in and we are waiting on additional information from the doctor’s office. Hopefully we will get it this evening and move forward on this soon.
Donna

Granny Spoke to Dr Fredricks Office

Granny spoke with Dr Fredricks office and they let her know that Dr Fredricks would be calling Hospice Ministries shortly - http://hospiceministries.org/

Emailed Hospice Ministries

I emailed Donna at Hospice Ministries and asked her to follow up with me when she hears from Dr Fredricks.

Texted Dr Fredricks

Yesterday Lauren texted Dr Fredricks to start the Hospice process. We will follow up with her today to see whether she has made the order and what next steps should be.